Boundless Thoughts

Do you really listen to your child? Oh yes I do, you reply. But take a moment and think about it.
How many parents take time out to discuss a child’s fears, apprehensions and doubts?

Listening is important because it is a major tool by which you can show your love for your child, and in turn, you will be able to teach your child the importance of listening to others.

If you listen to your child, it will help him become a better communicator, and will help him express his feelings more clearly and articulately. If your child is tense or upset, all he may need is someone to listen to, to reduce his emotional anxiety.

You will also get a better idea of your child’s personality if you really listen to your child. So many parents don’t know what their children are really like. And then they notice streaks of rebellion in their child, and wonder why. Did they say something to hurt their child? They don’t know, and will not either because though their child told them, they never listened.

Be patient. If your child is having difficulty expressing himself, don’t interrupt and try to finish your child’s sentence for them, and don’t lose patience, let your mind wander or change the topic. You’re not doing a good job of listening.

Here’s what will happen if you don’t listen to your child:

Your child will not be able to express himself and his feelings clearly, and will be unable to communicate well. Not listening may also have the opposite effect, and your child may become extremely loud and boisterous, to capture his parents’ attention. Your child will, in all likelihood, have low-self esteem.

Many parents make the mistake of ignoring their child when he is upset about something, thinking that he will grow out of it. Yes, your child will no doubt get over whatever happened to upset him, but if you discourage him talking about it, then your child will start feeling as though his feelings don’t matter, and are of no importance.

Guiding your child to achieve his/ her true potential is good parenting. Real molding is when your child already has some abnormal behaviour that is either against the norms of society or is affecting his overall growth and development and you correct that.

The question that bothers most parents is: “What is more important: to shower a child with love and let the nature take its course or to provide intellectual stimulation?” The latest theory maintains that the one complements the other. In the past, it was thought that love could develop a child and compensate for lack of intellectual stimulation, today it is clear that to develop a child´s mind and mould his personality mental stimulation initiated by the parents is decisive, without which, the normal emotional and social development of a child can be lacking.

Leading luminaries in child psychotherapy vests the parents with the bulk of the responsibility for the successful development of their children. Ideally, parents should rouse their curiosity by pumping them full of information. When they grow up, they feel free to ask questions about all kinds of things in their environment as their curiosity would have been developed to a keen edge. This is the ideal combination for the development of intelligence: stability, confidence and realization of a child’s potential from age zero by broadening his horizons.

Parents directly influence their child’s development and behavior. They must be aware of this.

The ancient controversy of heredity versus environment has long ago been resolved. Although heredity has a dominant role, but the importance of intellectual stimulation and nvironmental support can not be ignored.

The most shocking question our panel of experts has had in the 5 year+ life of GROWING WELL was “My daughter is 1 yr old. I am in Foreign Service and want her to learn 3 foreign languages. How should I start molding her so that I help her realize her full potential?” Our panel, especially our psychologist Dr Paul was aghast! Sure shot way of destroying your child’s imagination and creativity. Molding a child, concerns all parents. We are constantly doing something or other to make our child do better in studies, inculcate better discipline, excel in sports, learn social interaction and various other aspects depending on our own vision and capabilities. Whether we aware of it or not we are constantly shaping our child as molding is an integral part of parenting. Parenting basically has to do with training, disciplining, molding and at times forcing children to live as parents dictate. Forcing a child to adapt to what we think is right or what we feel the child should be doing is forceful parenting. Forceful parenting often does more damage to our children than it does good. It can demolish self-confidence and destroy imagination.

We should strive to ensure that our children learn to experience and express themselves as free human beings. Now-a-days we have parents who, even before the child is completed one year, decide to turn them into another Sachin or Aishwarya. Most of the problems with adolescents can be traced back to an early age when they learned they were to just follow orders.

Children who have to comply rigidly with what is expected of them, develop neither own vision nor accountability. When not nurtured, their God given lights dim and they just follow their peers or the heroes that are fed to them by the entertainment media.

Some parents, on the other hand, are proud that their children are quiet and polite and that they have done their job very well. They don’t realize that child is not just quiet but complacent. These children behave this way because they have stopped to think.