Train Tickets

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please”.

Joke time!

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea.

So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.”Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer. When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding.

He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please”.

How to Make a Woman Happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Top 10 SMS

Top 10 messages na mhirap replayan sa text message.

10. Ganun ba.
9. Oo nga.
8. Ah.
7. Ngek.
6. K!
5. hehe.
4. haha.
3. Cge.
2. Yup.
At higit sa lahat,
1. ü

They say that…

“Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!”
- Putok

“Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako’y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!”
- Utot

“Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!”
- Pigsa

“Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!”
- Golddilocks

“Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!”
- Jollibee

“Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!”
- winnie d’ pooh

“Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

“Hwag mo na akong bilugin..”
-kulangot

“Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

“Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Sa tuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod ako sa pagngiti!”
- Smiley

“Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil ba mas sweet ang iba?”.
- Fruitcake

“Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo”.
- ipis

 

Attn: Entrepeneurs

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following legitimate companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration.

1. There’s these art designers, and their website.
www.speedofart.com

2. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

3. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

4. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

5. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

6. There’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

7. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

8. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

9. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

10. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

Estong Labo

Guard: Sir, ID nyo po?
Estong: eto oh!
Guard: I-pin nyo po, sir
Estong: (ngumanga) Grabe naman higpit dito, pati ipin tinitingnan.

*****

Kaibigan: Bakit ang sign na: NO ID ENTRY NO ENTRY sa school ay hindi tinitagalog?
ESTONG: Kasi pag tinagalog yan: WALA ID WALA PASOK!

*****

PARROT: panget! panget! panget!
ESTONG: sabihin mo pang panget ako ulet, papatayin kita!

(next day…)

PARROT: psst…
ESTONG: Ano?
PARROT: You know na! hehehe

 *****

Isang araw nagpadala ng sulat ang ina ni Estong para sa kanya…

Mahal kong anak,

Naipadala ko na yung 50 libo pang tuition mo. Pinagbili na namin yung sasakyan. Ang mahal ng Cosworth V8 na kurso. Wala na rin pala tayong pero sa bangko, Nailabas ko na rin para dun sa sinasabi mong project, Nokia n95 ba yun? Ang mahal naman ng project mo. Kasama na din dun 10 libo para sa fieldtrp niyo sa Gallera, Malayo ba yun? Bat ang mahal? Isasanla ko pa yun mga alahas para mabili mo yung iPod kasi sabi mo nalulungkot ka at walang libangan. Maganda yan iho mabuti sa kalusugan. Komportable ka ba dyan sa tinitirahan mo? Victoria’s ata yun. Mukang pang mayaman. O sige hanggang dit0 nalang.

Nagmamahal,
Ang Ina Mo

*****

INA: Estong pag may sasakyan tumabi ka ha
ESTONG: opo ina ko

(isang araw umuwi si estong naiyak at muntik ng mabundol…)

INA: ano ba sabi ko sayo?
ESTONG: pag may sasakyan tatabihan ko po.
INA: ngeeeeeek!

*****

Sa isang bar, si Estong at dalawang kaibigan nya na nagpapayabangan tungkol sa mga pamilya nila.

1st kaibigan: Apat ang anak namin, isa pa at may Bastketball Team na kami.
2nd kaibigan: Wala ‘yan, sampu ang anak namin, isa pa at may Soccer Team na kami.
ESTONG: Wala pala kayong ibubuga sa akin. Labing-pito ang asawa ko, isa pa at makakabuo na ako ng 18 Holes Golf Course!!

*****

Wala magawa si Estong at ang girlfriend nya kaya sila ay nakaisip maglaro..

Girlfriend: give me a sentence and translate it in tagalog
ESTONG: my girlfriend is beautiful, isn’t she?
ESTONG: in tagalog…
ESTONG: ang aking girlfriend ay maganda, maganda nga ba?

*****

Girlfriend: Hoy Estong, tumigil ka na sa paginom,  masyado kang magastos.
ESTONG: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos!
Girlfriend: Nagpapaganda ako para sa iyo.
ESTONG: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!

 *****

ESTONG: ina ko, nahulog po ang piso ko sa kanal
INA: bayaan mo na yan marumi na yan
Driver: bata bata ina mo nahulog sa kanal
ESTONG: bayaan mo na yan marumi na yan

*****

pumunta si Estong Labo sa isang palengke, sabi ng mga nag titinda sa palengke..

1st TINDERA: bakit hindi ka nagbayad?
ESTONG LABO: di mo ba ako kilala ako si estong labo may 3 ahas, 2 tiger at 1 aligator!

2nd TINDERA: bakit ayaw mo ko bayaran sa kinuha mo?
ESTONG LABO: di mo ba ako kilala ako si estong labo may 3 ahas, 2 tiger at 1 aligator!

(at hindi na katiis ang mga nagtitinda ay nag sumbong sa pulis..)

Pulis: bakit di ka nag babayad ha?
ESTONG LABO: di mo ba ako kilala ako si estong labo may 3 pusa, 2 daga at 1 ipis

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