“Love is about giving and trust;
I give you the power to hurt me,
and trust that you never will…”

RESPECT cannot be learned,

purchased or acquired –

it can only be earned

and it can neither be given nor withheld

when it is due.

Thank you and sorry are among the first words that we learn as children. But we are made to say them so often, that they become more like reflex actions, than anything else.

While it is always important to mean what we say, and say what we mean, it becomes imperative when we are saying sorry. Because the whole idea behind an apology is, not just saying the word , but actually feeling sorry.

A sincere apology is a healer for both the offender and the offended.

Learning how to say sorry is important to developing TRUST.

“wonders…

why do people make people life hell

and then think it’s alright the next day?”

Wind blowin’ on my face
Sidewalk flyin’ beneath my bike
A five year-old’s first taste
Of what freedom’s really like
He was runnin’ right beside me
His hand holdin’ on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street

Chorus
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I’m ready
To do this on my own
(It’s still) (It still feels) a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go

I was standin’ at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I’ve been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked,
‘Who gives this woman?’
Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears
He kept holdin’ tightly to my arm
‘Til I whispered in his ear

(Repeat Chorus)

It was killin’ me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin’ away to nothin’
In that hospital room
‘You know he’s only hangin’ on for you’
That’s what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin’
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It’s gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be okay now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years -ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life , that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive

But how can you forgive, if the person is even not asking for forgiveness?  That’s the thing…